look no pants
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize