her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
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