just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
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Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
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Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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