You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
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I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
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The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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