I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Where is the hickey?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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