Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
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Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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