glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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