Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I skipped work to stalk him.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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