i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize