The brown eye won't let me do that either.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize