Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My hand turned me down
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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