if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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