he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
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You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
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dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize