im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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