i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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