So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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