New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize