Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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