I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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