you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The air taste purple.
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