it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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