What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Vodka?
Forever.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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