Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize