Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
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Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
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but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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