WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
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The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
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I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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