I met the friendliest cop last night
that's an acceptable place to lick
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
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Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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