she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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