Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize