She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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