Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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