I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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