And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize