You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
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That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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