I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize