oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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