can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize