I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize