I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
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it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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