I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
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So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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