Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
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somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
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I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
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