based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
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The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
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ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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