She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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