I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
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It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
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drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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