oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize