So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
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I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
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We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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