I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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