he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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