Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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