need another drink. this is the easiest way
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize