I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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